What is wrong with me? For over a year and a half I have worked at a job that I hate It is a very hierarchy?

That job is wrong. If you actually have a teaching certificate or an early childhood worker certificate, quit and go find a better job dealing with children that do not have handicaps. I can understand that you may need the salary, but not to the detriment of your sanity. No matter what your situation, quit and find something better. Even fry dude(tte) at MacDonald's is better.